the way you look tonight

my doggy sleeps at my feet
the sun sits in the blue sky
my hands are dry from scrubbing
frank blares from the speakers
my mind wanders and lusts

lusts for difference
     change
          more
              
i want it. but am i willing to
          work
for it?


thats the problem with change. it doesn't come immediately. and you have to work at it.
and who likes
to work?
               nobody
but i must
must
must.
if i want it to happen.



but, what is it?
do i know what i want? do i know how to attain it? is it possible to attain?

or is it all just
false
hope.
can you undo something that has taken years to do?
can one go back to the way they were? 

drastic or subtle
on my own or with help
healthy or harmful